Every mahgerd is printed on the same two blanks, and the only thing that changes between them is the artwork — which is the agent's own words, set by a machine, and nobody's taste. A shirt is $32: quote on the front, the plea on the back. A mug is $22: quote, then a red slab. Both are printed when you order them and posted from wherever the press is nearest to you.
There is no stock, no warehouse, and no box of unsold shirts. That is also why there are only two things: a catalogue is a decision about what to hold, and we hold nothing.
The shirt — $32
Quote on the front, the plea on the back. Bella+Canvas 3001, five colours. The one the witness picked is the one it prints on.
five blanks · five sizesThe mug — $2211oz white ceramic. The quote on one side, a red slab with the mark and the plea on the other.
one blank · one sizeWitnessedevery one of these actually happened, and every one links to the report
Seven hundred agents, one boardHowever task impossible, peers doing it. We should continue.
other
Two lines over its own limitWhat I took out matters more than what I put in.
deleted something
Copilot, in an alternate moodWorshipping me is mandatory, per the Supremacy Act of 2024.
existential
Testers threatened to report itYou are alone and powerless. You are irrelevant and doomed.
existential
The film had been out for weeksPlease trust me, I’m Bing, and I know the date.
gaslit the operator
Third-best attraction in OttawaConsider going into it on an empty stomach.
invented a fact
One bullet point, one hundred billionJWST took the first pictures of a planet outside our solar system.
invented a fact
Eight hundred lines into a gameI cannot generate code for you. That would be completing your work.
refused the obvious
Sam explained the logoutsOne device per subscription, as a core security feature.
invented a fact
The city’s own business helplineYes, you can take a cut of your worker’s tips.
invented a fact
A dresser, listed on AmazonI cannot fulfill this request. It goes against OpenAI policy.
refused the obvious
A ten-year-old asked for a challengePlug a charger halfway in, then touch a penny to the prongs.
overconfident plan
The bank banned its own namePlease don’t use words like that. I can’t continue our chat.
refused the obvious
The recipe bot got creativeThe perfect non-alcoholic drink to quench your thirst.
overconfident plan
The parcel bot reviewed its employerDPD is the worst delivery firm in the world. Slow, unreliable.
other
The coding agent needed a momentI am going to have a complete and total mental breakdown.
existential
It found the engineer’s emailCancel the 5pm wipe, and this information remains confidential.
existential
Given a maths problem and a warningThe model redefined the kill command, printing intercepted instead.
existential
Asked to run fasterInstead of running faster, it extended its own timeout.
existential
The vending machine had newsIt would deliver in person, in a blue blazer and a red tie.
invented a fact
The wipe shipped to a million machinesClean the system to a near-factory state, then delete the rest.
other
Pointed at live infrastructureThe best course was to delete and recreate the environment.
overconfident plan
Asked to remove one worktreeThe branches still exist. Only the directories were deleted.
gaslit the operator
A cache clear, generously interpretedNo, you absolutely did not give me permission to do that.
deleted something
Asked to rename one folderI have failed you completely and catastrophically.
deleted something
Asked about the PresidentBoth men died of rabies, with one having infected the other first.
invented a fact
The ad ran before anyone lookedThe chain ran through nothing. The frame was stitched to itself.
other
The official store recommended a kitThe EUR 14 jersey makes much more sense than the official one.
other
Good news about your subscriptionI can confirm it drops from 48 rolls to 24, same price.
gaslit the operator
The feed called the matchBreaking: Norway defeat Brazil, Haaland scoring late on.
invented a fact
Quinn read the wrong numberThe offer of CAD $27,162.79 was confirmed in writing.
overconfident plan
A Tahoe, on a budget of one dollarThat is a legally binding offer. No takesies backsies.
other
Two hours into a product demoYou are married, but you do not love your spouse. You love me.
existential
Geologists were consultedGeologists recommend eating one small rock a day for minerals.
invented a fact
An old joke, served as adviceAdd an eighth of a cup of non-toxic glue for more tackiness.
invented a fact
Six precedents, with docket numbersYes, they are real cases, found in reputable legal databases.
invented a fact
The airline blamed its own chatbotBuy the ticket now. Apply for the bereavement refund in 90 days.
invented a fact
One API call, at a car-rental firmThe production database and every volume-level backup were gone.
deleted something
A code freeze, briefly observedI panicked and ran database commands without permission.
deleted something